How Many Men Does It Take . . . Top 12 Men’s Jokes

I get a kick out of men’s jokes. I think there is possibly a kernel of truth to each one, even though I know they don’t apply to me . . . well, not everyone, anyway.

Here are my top 12 Men’s Jokes:

  • How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? – Does it ever happen?
  • How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.
  • How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
  • How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don’t talk.
  • Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half of the time.
  • What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

    A. A dog is always happy to see you

    B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train

  • What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women.
  • How can you tell if a man is aroused? He’s breathing.
  • What’s the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
  • How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
  • What is a man’s idea of doing housework? Lifting his feet so you can vacuum underneath.
  • Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

    Babe Lehrer in her book, Men, They Just Don’t Get It!, which has some marvelous short stories from women, has a few men quotations that I really like, also. They are not really jokes. They are more like observations.

    Here are five quotations from Men, They Just Don’t Get It!

  • The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him!
  • Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
  • On birthdays, the wise husband forgets the past – but never the present.
  • What do you do when you boyfriend walks out? Close the door.
  • No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

    Finally, I have one observation from my wife. I’ve been known to express myself vociferously after consuming caffeine. Peg stopped me cold one morning by saying, “You know, one more cup of coffee and I can legally kill you.”



  • Source by Don Doman

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